An Indication that Elyse's Teenage Years May Kill Us

I'm not sure how it is possible to be so busy yet have nothing much to write about, but that is where I have been for a few weeks now. I suppose if I wasn't so busy, I might have time to actually think about my day and find the humor in it and thus post something mildly amusing, but my mind is constantly swimming with important dates, to-do lists, and the realization that these jeans, which were pretty comfy at one time, are now just slightly binding and it's kind of starting to drive me insane. Trust me, there is no more room up there to think about much else.

I do have this though...

Elyse has taken to stripping. Yesterday, after lunch she was a total yogurt covered mess. There was absolutely no way that I was going to be able to salvage her clothes, so I just took them all off and let her run around in her diaper while I cleaned up the table...and the floor...and the walls. In the middle of all of that, Mike called and I sat down to talk to him for a few minutes. Well, Elyse wandered off to her room and I heard her shut the door which can only mean that she is up to no good. I gave her a minute to let her think that she was getting away with something and then I went to check on her. When I opened the door, she was running wildly in circles, naked, waving her diaper over her head.

Really!

So I got her dressed and put her down for her nap. When she woke back up, I went into her room to greet my sweet baby princess only to find that princess was topless and as soon as she saw me she threw her shirt at me with the most ornery grin on her face that I have ever seen.

The moral of the story: The first person to mention Mardi Gras to Elyse when she is a teenager will suffer!

It Was So Much Easier When My Only Color Choices Came Out of A Box Labeled Crayola

A few months ago I mentioned that Mike and I are working on some home improvement projects. Mike has replaced all of the old, piece of crap windows that used to give our home that lived-in shanty feel with new windows that are clean, pretty, and open and everything. Along with the new windows, he has also installed new molding which really makes the windows look incredible.


The next phase in our plan is to start painting. I love to paint. I live to paint. I would blue tape, prime, and paint the children if they would just hold still. The dilemma is what colors to paint? It's not as easy as saying, "Well, the living room will be brown, the dining room will be......" because all of the rooms are sort of connected. The living room and dining room are one big room, and one of the kitchen walls flows into the dining room, so I feel like all of the colors need to coordinate. This also feels like a big decision because we are still up in the air about whether or not we will put this house up for sale in the next few years to look for something with a bit more space. So whatever we choose needs to be somewhat neutral so that we don't have to repaint before selling, if we sell, which we probably won't, but just in case.


When we painted the house the first time, Mike and I were newly married and I wasn't sure what my decorating style was exactly. Up until then, I lived with my parents and decorating a bedroom is nothing like decorating a house, as New Kids on the Block posters and college mementos don't really say fine home decor. Since then I have accumulated enough knick-knacks to decorate the house several times over and never once repeat a theme, but nothing goes together. They make it look so easy on HGTV. Damn you Genevieve and your mad decorating skills.

I just want the house to look put together, but not so much so that people don't feel comfortable hanging out here. I want to decorate with things that mean something to us as a family, but not with just any old junk that has been lying around for the last six years. Of course, I can't even think about decorating until I make the final paint color decision which brings me right back to my original dilemma...what colors? So what do you think? What colors say comfy family home that is put together, but not too much, and looks like it was decorated by a woman who has logged thousands of hours watching HGTV, and not by a girl that has never had to decorate anything larger than a 12ft x 12ft box in the upstairs of her parent's house?

The End of an Era

There is a small piece of me that thinks that I should start this post with this video from Friends:

-click here-

Yes, it's true. Today I turn thirty. I guess I feel a little sad to be ending my twenties, but not as bad as I thought that I would. Actually, I think that I am handling it quite well. I guess maybe it's because my twenties were so full with so many life changing experiences that I am excited to see what this next decade will bring.

I got my first real job at twenty; a Histology Technician in a Pathology lab. The friends that I made there are still my friends today and I feel like I did some real growing up in the four years that I spent with them.

I met my husband Michael at twenty-one and he forever changed my view of love and the true definition of soul-mate. He is my other half, my shoulder to lean on, the one who makes me laugh so hard that I cry, and without a doubt, he is my best friend. I'm not sure where I would be without him and I thank God everyday that he brought him into my life.

I was engaged at twenty-two and I got married at twenty-three. I found out that I would be a mother at twenty-four and became one at twenty-five when my son, my beautiful baby boy Aaron was born. Becoming a mother changed my entire world in so many unbelievable, life-altering, mind-blowing ways that sometimes I feel like I hardly know the woman that I was before I had children, but the woman that I became is stronger than I ever thought I could be, weaker in some ways than I never knew possible, and always hopeful that I can find the right balance of both.

At twenty-six, I faced the most difficult experience that I have ever lived through when I had a miscarriage just shy of ten weeks gestation. The events of that week that led to the eventual loss are seared into my memory and heart forever, and when I think about it, it is like I can see it as clearly as if I were actually living it again.

By the grace of God, I was blessed with another pregnancy at twenty-seven, and at twenty-eight my beautiful baby girl Elyse was born. Like Aaron, she has changed me in so many ways and when I look at her it seems as if she is looking into my soul.

This year, at twenty-nine, I decided to take back some control of my life when I took off the fifty pounds that pregnancy and motherhood added. It was something that I felt was almost impossible at times, but with the support of my husband I did it. Even more incredible than that, this summer I completed a 5k. Crossing that finish line was so overwhelming, so rewarding, and such a wonderful way to put a period at the end of my twenties. I am so thankful to my friend Leslie for inspiring me to do it, and even more grateful to both her and her husband Dave for running it with me.

I started this last decade of my life single, with a new job, and hope for whatever the future held. I am closing this decade and beginning a new one married, the mother of two, and as a stay-at-home mom, I am working the most demanding job that I have ever held down, although the benefits are much greater than when I was in the workforce. As with the start of my twenties, I have hope for what the future holds, and in the next ten years I will see my little boy become a teenager, Elyse will begin school, and by the time that I turn forty, Mike and I will be three years away from twenty years of marriage.

I hope that this next decade finds me healthy and happy. I look forward to watching my children grow. I can't imagine loving Mike any more than I do now, but I know that somehow, over the next ten years I will. More than anything, I thank God for getting me to the place that I am now and I ask him to guide me through this next chapter.

Mommy's Purse

It is amazing the things that you carry in your purse as a mother. The list can be quite extensive if you have reached the phase where you no longer need to haul a huge diaper bag, but still require a few baby necessities on outings. In the last four years, my purse has held everything from the usual...wallet, keys, lipstick, to the not so usual..., nursing pads, race cars, Butt Paste. My purse is so well-stocked that I am sure that if we were stranded somewhere with no immediate hope of rescue, I could quite easily put together a meal, provide an entertaining after dinner show, and remove a gallbladder if the need arose.

More than just a vehicle for carting around all of my mommy stuff, my purse holds within it the power to distract a toddler for a good two hours if I get really creative. Case in point...dinner this past Friday. Mike, the kids, and I met my sisters, brother-in-law, and mom at Cheddars for dinner. I was relatively confident that we were screwed when we pulled into the parking lot and saw that it was so full and you had to park so far away, that some people were riding camels on their incredible trek to the front door. Oh yeah, it was that crowded.

Luckily, Ang and Derek got there before anyone else and had our table already when we got there. So we sat down and Elyse was happy with the initial menu and crayons bit, but she was really hungry, and after ten minutes she decided that she wasn't buying the crap that we were selling and she started to get, let's just call it cranky.

I pulled out the Teddy Grahams and it was like the clouds parted and beams of light radiated from the baggie of tiny, honey-flavored bears. She was beside herself with joy and was content for another ten minutes. After the novelty of the bears wore off, we turned to books, but Princess wasn't much in the mood for reading and she flung them across the room. Maybe her toy phone? Ah Hah! Success! Another ten minutes. Now if you are keeping track, that's thirty minutes since we sat down and if the cannibalistic looks on the faces of the people next to us were any indication, it appeared that there was no hope that we were going to see our food any time soon, and also, maybe we should move to another table because Leroy over there is starting to drool just looking in our general direction. Creepy.

After I had pulled out every legal baby item in my bag, I had to move to the illegal objects...you know, the stuff that you would never give your child until you have exhausted every other option and are left with hand sanitizer, appointment reminder cards, and the pepper spray. Finally, in a last ditch effort, I grabbed the hand lotion and you know what? That bottle of lotion kept her happier and more entertained for a longer stretch of time than anything else that I pulled out.

Kids, you just never know. Tomorrow I might pull out that same bottle of lotion and she might toss it aside with absolutely no interest whatsoever, but at that moment, the lotion was the magic object. She was happy pretending to put lotion on everyone at the table until our food arrived and once she saw her plate of spaghetti she was like, "Huh, what lotion?" The girl LOVES her some spaghetti. So I put away the lotion and twenty other items that were all over the table, for the next time that we get stranded or end up at Cheddars or get stranded at Cheddars.

It Worked, It Finally Worked!

Yesterday was the first day that I was able to take Aaron to school and not have to peel him off of me before I could leave. The last several weeks have been absolutely exhausting as there has been an incredible amount of screaming every time, every single time that I had to say goodbye to Aaron at preschool, but yesterday was different.

It didn't start any different. He turned his alarm off and went back to bed. I had to turn on the over-head light in his room, announce that it was time to get up, and start making ridiculous threats that showed without a doubt that I meant business. You know the kind, "If you don't get out of bed, you will have to go to bed early tonight! If you don't get out of bed, the entire world will stop producing fruit snacks! If you don't get out of bed, we are going to be late and may God Almighty save you because Mommy CAN"T STAND to be late, and if we are late, Santa will find out and you KNOW what that means!!!" You know, the typical stuff.

Finally he drug himself out of bed and wandered out into the living room dragging his clothes behind him because, well, Mommy only said get out of bed, she didn't say get dressed. Kids, so literal. He decided that the pre-approved outfit of the night before did not suit sire's style that morning and so we had to choose a whole new outfit. A decision that should be easier than paper or plastic is more involved than holding a congressional hearing where Aaron is concerned.

We got through breakfast which was a whole other struggle and finally left the house five minutes late, LATE! As we were walking up the sidewalk to school, he talked about how excited he was that he had his umbrella and he seemed fine, but I have been fooled before. We got to his class and he started to tell his teachers about the umbrella. Hmmmmm, jovial. He went to wash his hands without a fuss. Hmmmmm, compliant. He grabbed his star with his name on it to hang on the bulletin board. Hmmmmm, willing. Could this be THE day?

He sat down at his seat and I opened the box of blocks that were at his table and he said with a sigh, "Urgh, this again?" Apparently he had played with those blocks a few too many times. Now this is usually where it all goes to hell. I hesitated and then I gave him a little hug and said, "OK Aaron, I love you. Have a good day." He hugged me and looked up and said, "I'm not going to cry today." I about fell over. I was speechless at first. When I came to I told him how proud I was of him and that I knew he could do it. He smiled, told me he'd see me later, and I left. On my way out I heard him tell the teachers, "I didn't cry today!" He was really proud of himself.

I know that I am lucky that we only did the crying thing for a few weeks. I know that there are parents that have to deal with it for months. I also know that just because it worked one day, doesn't mean that it will work every day, but yesterday, it worked. I walked down the hall and out of the school floating about ten inches off of the ground.

This is Huge...

What I am about to tell you is so big, so huge, so exciting that I feel like shouting it from the rooftops. Last night...for the first time in WEEKS...I didn't have to get up with Elyse even once!

-cymbals clashing, drums banging, triumphant music all around-

Every night, EVERY SINGLE NIGHT for weeks and weeks and weeks Elyse has gotten up in the middle of the night crying for either her blanket or pacifier or both. Some nights I was lucky and she only did it once, but other nights we would see each other every hour on the hour, and let me tell you, those nights sucked!

So what changed? Well, I have been pondering whether or not a night light would remedy the situation. We still use her baby monitor and that casts a good amount of light, but it is a little harsh and sometimes I thought that she was waking up because of that light. I wasn't sure if I should try it or not, but after the night we had had prior, I was willing to try just about anything with in reason, or not, basically whatever got her to sleep a full night was A OK by me.

We did our usual bedtime routine; stories, songs, cuddle time, bed. We read "Goodnight Blue" and "I See A Monster" which are two of her absolute favorites. Then we did Twinkle, Twinkle, Itsy, Bitsy Spider, and I Love My Rooster. After all of that we had a little cuddle time and let me tell you, she is a great cuddler; 100% made for cuddling. She rested her little fuzzy head on my chest and I stroked her hair and nestled my face down by her neck which is undoubtedly the baby sweet spot. I started to get so emotional because I know how fast this time goes. I am going to blink and she is going to be off to preschool just like Aaron is now, but for that moment, in the dark, it was just her and I; my little baby who is more of a little girl now. It was one of those moments that I know I will never forget and no matter how far away we get from this time, when I remember it we will instantly be transported back to that rocking chair, in the dark, just her and I.

Anyway, after our moment, I put her to bed, told her that I love her, and left her room. I had very little hope that the night light was going to work, but what did I have to loose? I haven't slept, really slept, in so many weeks that the days are all blurring together into one massive time clump so if she got up once, twice, even three times it was just going to be business as usual.

The stupid cat started meowing around 4ish AM and when I saw what time it was I about jumped out of bed to do a cartwheel. It worked, it worked, my God it WORKED! She made it through the whole night and while I realize that 4:00 AM to most doesn't seem like the entire night, to a mom it's practically noon, so to say that I was ecstatic would be putting it mildly.

I know what you're thinking, "Why in God's name are you writing this? Don't you know that you just jinxed yourself and that this is never going to work again?" Yes, I am aware, but it was so wonderful that I just had to share it and so what if she does get up tonight? I slept for six hours straight last night...SIX. I am good to go for another eight weeks.

I Have Nothing to Write About

So, I have nothing to write about. Sometimes I have so many ideas that I can't decide which I should use, but then there are these times when nothing sounds interesting, everything seems lame, and I feel like a great big loser.

I could tell you about the time that I met Richard Simmons. He was visiting Wheeling about nine-ish years ago and held a workout in the Wes Banco arena, but that is pretty much the entire story. Well, that and the fact that my sister and I almost got into a fight with one of the women running the thing because we were waiting in line to get an autograph and we also wanted to get a picture with him too. How dare we request so much of Richard? When it was our turn to see him, we tried to explain that we were only allowed to get the picture and he said with a big smile on his face, "Oh, give me the damn thing," and he signed the crap out of it. He was really nice and also took several pictures with us. In your face mean event lady!

I could tell you about the New Years Eve that I got a nose bleed and I couldn't get it stopped and it bled off and on until the next morning when it was so bad that we decided that I had to go to the emergency room. I don't even think that they made me register. The nurse took one look at me and sent me back to an exam room. The doctor that saw me shoved so much gauze up there that I felt like Arnold Schwarzenegger in Total Recall. You would think that such a massive amount of gauze would do the trick, but we no sooner left the ER and headed to get a prescription filled when I started bleeding profusely AGAIN and went back to the ER. This time they used this cardboard thing that after it was rammed up inside my nose, they used a needle to fill it with water to make it expand. I believe all of this happened on a Monday and I had to leave that thing in there until Friday...FRIDAY...as in FOUR DAYS LATER!!!

I was never so happy to go to the hospital as I was that Friday to get the Rino Rocket, yeah, that's what it was called, out of my nose, that is until I saw the doctor come in with a bunch of paper towels and a pair of forceps. When you have experienced the kind of nosebleed that I had and you have suffered for days with this massive plug inside your nose, that last thing that you want to see is a huge wad of paper towels because that probably ain't good.

You could tell that this guy was old school and that he probably interned on the fields of Gettysburg because he was completely stone-faced, all business, and he was coming at me with no mercy. It took, oh, I don't know, 2.2 seconds for him to rip, RIP that thing from my nose and then he was gone. The nurse that came in to discharge me looked at me and said, "Oh, I think you may have developed an infection," because the whole right side of my face was swollen. Maybe if Dr. Kevorkian had taken half of the amount of time it took him to rip that thing from my face to really look at me, he would have noticed that things weren't exactly symmetrical and would have done something about it himself, but I am sure he had many more patients to torture.

The absolute best part of this story is when yet another nurse came back to give me an IV before they sent me off to get a cat scan of my enormous face and she brings a gown with her. She says, "Oh, hehe, you might want to put this on because sometimes this gets a little messy."

?????????????????????mouth hanging open??????????????????????????????

A little messy? Good God woman you are giving me an IV, not hacking my arm off. What do you mean a little messy? Are we talking like the guy on the bicycle that gets hit by Clark in European Vacation when the blood squirts out from his palm when he is giving them directions or more like Leatherface in Texas Chainsaw Massacre? I mean, I just really want to know what I am getting into here before I just hand over my arm. Clearly she was a student of Dr. No Personality Kevorkian.

She never did get the IV in place and had to call for backup, I didn't have an infection, and praise be to God I haven't had a nose bleed since. (Knock on wood)

Maybe I should tell you about how I met my husband, Mike, and how after one of our first dates I opened his truck door right into the concrete wall of my parents house? Or maybe the time that I fell asleep on my way home from work and ran into a guardrail? FYI, I wasn't hurt, but my car wasn't so lucky. How about the time that I fell asleep in science class back in high school and actually gave myself whiplash? I was in physical therapy for more than a year over that one.

I don't know. Like I said, I really don't have anything to write about. Maybe I will have something for tomorrow, but don't count on it.