Wednesday, October 27, 2010

When Underwear Talk, You Better Listen.


So, we get home last night after a fantastic evening at Sesame Street Live and we were rushing around trying to get the kids ready for bed and what not, you know, the whole bedtime routine. While straightening up, I went to toss Hailey, my gigantic cat, off of my blanket that was still on the couch after a failed nap attempt that afternoon when Elyse did nothing but play around and scream for me for the entire nap period. When I managed to pry the gigantic lump of fur off of the couch I realized that she must have had a dirty butt… AGAIN, and had gotten poo on my blanket. Thanks Hailey. That’s awesome.

So I grabbed my blanket and ran downstairs to put it into the wash. I set the washer to accommodate a large load, as in an entire washing machine full of water, tossed in the detergent and poopy blanket, and went on to feed the cats and scoop their litter box.

Wow, I just realized how many times poop is mentioned in this story.

Anyway, after the kitty poop scooping, I went over to the sink to wash my hands. I just happened to take note of Aaron’s poopy underwear from an accident the night before that was on the edge of the sink, had been rinsed, and was waiting to go into a scalding hot, disinfecting, antimicrobial whirl in the washing machine. I don’t know why I noticed them, but they seemed to stand up and say, “Hey, Look at me. I am a potential disaster waiting to happen. Look at me…look at me…look at me!” And I looked at them and decided I would get right on it in the morning. Why didn’t I just throw them in with the blanket that was being sanitized? I’m not really sure.

Now I suppose that I should explain something a little clearer here. A while ago, Mike was working on a draining project with the washing machine. Something wasn’t quite right with a ratchet, or thing-a-ma-gig, or a who’s it what’s it, and to buy him some time, he put the pipe that drains the washing machine into the neighboring sink.

You know where this is going, right?

So I bid adieu to the talking underwear and went back upstairs to work on brushing teeth and getting everyone to bed. It’s almost ten o’clock. All the while, I am listening to hear if the washing machine had stopped so that I could get my blanket into the dryer and hopefully have it before Mike and I went to bed.

While Mike and I were going through the painfully long routine of getting Elyse to bed, I heard the machine stop. So when we finally got out of her room, I went downstairs to toss my blanket into the dryer…BUT…before I could get to the dryer I walked down the steps and into about an inch of water that was covering the basement floor about as far as the eye could see. I stood there in horror for what seemed like an eternity confused about when we put in an indoor swimming pool and completely panicked over what to do about it.

Apparently, some time during the wash cycle, the underwear fell into the sink and plugged the drain causing all of the water from both the wash AND rinse cycle to spill all over the floor.

I ran upstairs and told Mike that we had a problem. Now I have to say that Mike is amazing in these times of panic. I was ready to sit in the shallow end and sob, but Mike just accessed the situation and started trying to fix it. I snapped out of it and tried to pitch in. I was using blankets and towels and whatever absorbent thing that I could find to wrangle the water and push it in Mike’s direction where he was furiously working with a shop vac.

Eventually, we managed to bail ourselves out, but not before I realized that the water had gotten under the door to the family room and there was a gigantic puddle in there too. The cats were huddled on the play mats like it was a piece of drift wood and Hailey was telling Bella, “I’ll never let go, Bella. I’ll never let go.”

So this morning our dehumidifier is getting its ass kicked and working some major overtime while I try to not only catch up on the regular laundry that is piled sky high, but also all of the stuff that either got wet last night or was used to sop up the water. Where’s a Sham Wow when you really need one? You can bet though that before I even look at the washing machine, I am going to take a look at the sink first. And if there happens to be a pair of talking underwear hanging over the edge begging to be acknowledged, I will definitely listen to what it has to say this time.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

It's a Good Thing That She is Cute...

Mike and I very often look at each other, the same run-down, exhausted look on our faces and ask in unison, “Where did Elyse come from?” I’m just going to lay it out there…the girl is t-r-o-u-b-l-e. I am completely convinced that never has there been a child on God’s good Earth who has ever tested her parent’s limits quite like she does. Ornery describes her on a mellow day. Mad scientist, evil genius, creator of all things rotten and destructive describes her on every other day.

For example…

Yesterday she got into a craft box that is Aaron’s and is filled with all kinds of tiny, highly illegal, massive mess potential supplies that are completely off limits to the Destroyer. However, sometimes as a parent, when your child is getting into something that he or she should not, but it is keeping them occupied, you choose to ignore what is happening in a vain attempt to grab a few minutes to complete a task. Things seemed ok until she found the glitter. Now when you are dealing with Elyse, you must remember one very important thing…Never, ever overreact. As soon as you get flustered and yell something like, “No, no, for the love of God, stop, stop, stop,” her little hands go into overdrive and she can hotwire your car and be half way to Mexico in the time that it takes you to move across the room. If you can compose yourself enough to very gently, and very quietly ask her to give you back whatever weapon of mass destruction she has in her possession, she will, most or the time, comply with little or no incident.

When I saw glitter, I panicked, and that is why my area rug in the family room is all gold and sparkly right now.

The cat food and water are also items of which she has much interest. She is constantly dumping more food into their bowls, or mixing their water with a handful of food. Do you know how many times that I have had to fish something out of the litter box?

I don’t even allow crayons upstairs because the one time…one time, that she got a hold of one, she autographed her bedroom wall, princess sheets, and just about anything else that didn’t move fast enough. Luckily crayon doesn’t transfer to kitty fur, but trust me, she was trying.

Her newest trick is to ninja her way into Aaron’s bedroom before they go to sleep to dump his cup of water all over the floor as a sweet little parting gift for the night. She also enjoys dumping his morning cup of water out onto his waffle plate if I didn’t get it picked up before she comes out of her room. If there is an open container anywhere in the house, she will find it, dump it, and be gone before you even know what hit you.

She knows when she is up to no good because she comes running from wherever the crime took place to announce, “Come on Mommy. Look at what I did.” When you tell her that she shouldn’t have done something, the first word out of her mouth is, “Why?”

I keep trying to tell myself that her third birthday will be here before you know it and hopefully with that will come a little bit more maturity and a little less chaos. I’m not holding my breath, but I’m at least keeping my fingers crossed. In the meantime, I guess our best bet is to Elyse proof as much as possible and keep her super busy with things that don’t end with me using the vacuum cleaner, or a whole roll of paper towels, or an industrial sized solvent of some sort.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Again With The Aaronisms

Elyse fell on the back porch over her little plastic chair and hurt her belly.  She pulled up her shirt to show Aaron and get an all better kiss.  Aaron carefully examined the round little belly sticking out and when we asked him if it was OK he said, "Well, it's OK when I smack it!"  Med school here he comes!

After an incredibly long dinner negotiation:
"Mom, why are you looking at me with that annoying face?  Is it because I'm annoying?"

Mike:  Aaron, you should try bologna sometime.  When I was a kid, I loved bologna sandwiches.
Aaron:  I am going to create a sandwich and it is going to have bologna, cheese, lettuce, bologna, cheese, lettuce, bologna, cheese, lettcue, well, bread first, then bologna, cheese, lettuce...and I am going to call it The American Statement.

*Where in the crap does he come up with this stuff?

While riding his bike around the yard:
Aaron:  Hey Mom, you know what?
Me:  What?
Aaron:  All of the girl teachers at my school, their first name is Mrs.
Me:  Well, that's not their name, it is just what you say if someone is married.  I am Mrs. because I am married to Daddy, but Elyse is Ms. because she isn't married.
Aaron:  Oh, and guys are Mr. right?
Me: Yeah, whether they are married or not.
Aaron:  But when they are older they are dudes, huh.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

What I Have Been Doing for the Last Two Months…

Wow, I am not even going to pretend that it hasn’t been like a bagillion years since I have written my last post. Let’s just go with things have been super busy and crazy insane. I have really missed writing, but there has just been so much going on that it has really taken a backseat which is sad because there is SO much that I could write about. If only I didn’t have to sleep.

Anyway, here’s a little update…

After much deliberation, and thought, and second guessing myself, I finally decided to put my knitted critters on Etsy and open The Fuzzy Forest; thus the complete and utter lack of time. Almost every waking second is spent trying to figure out how to cram in more knitting time. If I am not cleaning, or doing laundry, or tending to the needs of the children, I am knitting. This is great because I LOVE to knit, but it’s hard when I can only devote ten minutes here, twenty minutes there, and the occasional afternoon during Elyse’s nap. Still, I am feeling a huge sense of accomplishment and just this past weekend I got my first two sales. So I am officially a productive shop owner.

Elyse is just getting over a bad, BAD stomach bug which was the cause of a total Febreeze shortage at Wal Mart last week. I will spare you the details, and let me tell you, there are details, but let’s just say that when it was all said and done, we had gone through an insane amount of Pull-Ups and wipes, bought stock in the Febreeze company, and had to replace the area rug in the living room. It was a rough, smelly week.

Aaron is still doing fantastic at school. We are well into the third month now and not once have we had any tears or desperate pleas to spare him the agony of school. He seems to love it and his teachers say that is doing an amazing job.

Speaking of Aaron, he is getting so big, so fast, I feel like at times I can barely recognize him. We were standing outside waiting for the bus a while back and he was talking to me about something school related and I couldn’t believe how mature he seemed. I wasn’t talking to a little kid. He was this great big boy who had all of this stuff to say and I was speechless. When did my baby boy get to be such a big guy?

This past Saturday I watched with Mike as he rode his bike without training wheels for the very first time. He sat on the bike in our front yard trying to kick off and get moving. He was unsuccessful the first few times, but as I watched him I just knew that this was it and that he would do it. I no sooner thought it and off he went clear across the yard. My heart almost burst with pride.

Elyse is in tumbling classes on Tuesdays now. It’s the same class that I used to take Aaron to when he was her age and whenever I hear the Wiggles start to sing “Five Little Ducks” I almost start sobbing. Anyway, she loves her class. After each tumble she stands up and yells, “TA DA!” I even bought her an adorable little tutu for the class and she looks so sweet that I have a hard time not gobbling her up right then and there. Looks sweet is the term though because unlike Aaron, we have had a bit of trouble where the other kids are concerned in that Elyse appears to be a hitter. I am MORTIFIED beyond belief at this because she is THAT kid in the class; the one that all the other mothers have to keep an eye on, and I am THAT mother who spends much of the class apologizing for her behavior. She doesn’t just go up to another girl to hit her, she does it when she feels crowded which is no excuse, but I’ve got nothing else. Screw it, she’s the class bully and I am her toady.

I am sure that there is a lot more, but I will leave it at that for right now. I hope to start squeezing in more writing time in between all of the knitting, but I am not going to make any promises. In the meantime, go and check out The Fuzzy Forest and let me know if there is a critter that you would like to see in the shop.