Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?

For as long as I can remember, I have had an intense fear of snakes. Not a fear like, “Oh they are so gross and icky,” but a paralyzing, bodily functions begin to shut down, climb over children to get away, kind of fear. When I was in school, the other kids tortured me for it, and once someone actually chased me down the street with a fake one just to mess with me. I HATE SNAKES!!!


Sooooooo, this morning, I was getting in gear, running around the house trying to get the kids ready for school when I remembered that I had to go down to the basement to get a shirt for the day. I walked down the steps, and as I casually breezed past a “necklace” that was lying at the foot of the steps I thought, “Hmm, that’s odd. I don’t remember Elyse ever having a necklace like…..wait a minute.....no…..is it?.....no…..that’s not a necklace…..It’s a SNAKE!!!! In my house!!! A SNAKE!!!! IN MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my God! Oh my God! What do I do? IT’S A FREAKIN SNAKE IN MY FREAKIN HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I will say that this thing was incredibly small. Not worm small. It defiantly looked like what it was, but for me and my insane fear, a snake, is a snake whether it is itty bitty or incredibly massive. I don’t discriminate based on size. I fear them ALL! However, being the only parent at home at that moment, and being more afraid of it getting away and not knowing where it is, I knew that I had to do something.  So I channeled the Cowardly Lion, mustered as much courage as I possiblly could, and grabbed a bucket to cover it. Then I put a big case of Pepsi on top so that there was absolutely no chance of this thing getting away.

Next, I texted Mike; it went a little something like this….

“I just caught a very small, but very REAL snake in the basement. You need to come home.”

I probably could have just texted, “SNAKE!!” and he would have gotten the message and flown right home. I would have loved to have seen the look on his face when he read that text because he is VERY aware of my fear, and I bet he wanted to poop his pants just a little bit. He got home in no time and took care of the “situation.” Thank you, Sweetie! You are my knight in shinning snake removal armor.

I figure that it came in last night because Aaron had left the basement door open for a long time, and then later that evening, I saw my kitty, Hailey, acting all weird and starring behind the shoe bins right next to the door. I assumed she was bug hunting, and just shooed her away from the bins. She was probably thinking, “MOM…there’s a SNAKE in here. Don’t leave me down here with the SNAKE!!! SNAKE!!!!!”

So now I’m all kinds of freaked out, and I have a bad case of the heebie-jeebies whenever I go into the basement. I just hope that this was a one time deal, otherwise, we may be moving to the city.

Elyse's First Day of PK

Today my little baby girl went to her first day of preschool…

I work her up just before 7:00 AM and brought her out to a hot plate of pancakes. She sat at the table pretty sleepy, and I started worrying that we could be in store for some major drama, but she quickly turned things around, and never have we had such a pleasant getting ready, morning experience.

She and Aaron were so sweet together. He has been coaching her for weeks about what to expect, and he has been patiently answering all of her questions. After a BUNCH of smooches, Elyse let Aaron get on the bus, and we started the business of getting dressed.

Everything that I asked of her she said, “Ok, Mama.” She knows what calling me “Mama” does, and she was killing me with the cute. She let me brush her hair without any issues, and gave me no trouble when I was putting in her adorable pigtails. After she was dressed she said, “Oh, I need to have a necklace,” and we ran back to her room for her little ducky necklace.

Then we went out to the pine tree which is THE first day of school photo area….

She was SOOOOooo excited to get going. We hopped in the van and headed for school. She had to take Blankie with her, but she was ok with leaving him behind in the van after a big squeeze. We shut the van door and she called back, “By Blankie, I love you!” Urgh, my heart!

When we got to the class she went right in, took off her coat, and got right to the business of starting class. She didn’t hesitate for a second. I am so proud of her enthusiasm. Mike and I left the school a little sad, but mostly so excited for this next step.

Sitting here alone in the house seems so strange. It’s been eight years since I have been home alone during the day. The quiet is deafening, not that that is a totally bad thing.

I am excited to go and get her at 2:00 PM. I can’t wait to hear all about her day, and how much fun she had on her first day of preschool. She is going to do just great…I can feel it.



To Elyse on the Night Before She Starts Preschool

Dear Elyse,

I have been imagining what it would be like to write you this letter since I sat down and wrote Aaron his night before preschool letter three years ago. At that time you were just a tiny little girl who had only turned one year old a few months before. In these last three years, I have watched you grow, and learn, and become such an amazing little lady. I have absolutely no doubt that you are ready for this next step, but for the life of me I can’t figure out how we got here so fast.

You were just toddling next to me down the sidewalk as we walked Aaron into preschool. Once in the classroom, you would go straight to play with the baby dolls and I could never get you to leave.

We were just taking all of those many trips to Walmart, my little shopping buddy, who loved to check out what samples the bakery had out each time we visited.

We were just baking cookies, and cakes, and brownies in the kitchen; you standing next to me on one of the dining room chairs. My floor always looked like I had three Elyses helping me.

You were just asking me to have a tea party, or to read you a story, or to play Play Doh. Sometimes you wanted to do all of those things all at the same time, and I could never figure out where you got all of that boundless energy.

Tomorrow morning you are going to start your first day of preschool. You are going to meet a bunch of new friends and have so much fun playing together. You are going to learn so many new things, and you are going to be challenged in so many new ways. I can’t even begin to imagine the stories that you are going to have when you get home. I know how excited you are for this next step and I am excited too, but when we are walking to your classroom tomorrow, lets try to walk a little slow, because for the life of me I can’t figure out how we got here so fast.

Love,
Mommy

Mission Impossible

The time had come. She had been obsessing about this for months; well, honestly, more like seven years. This would be one of the greatest challenges of her career and everything hinged on her ability to pull this off perfectly, quickly, and completely free of error. Nerves could not be a factor here, and so she took one last moment to mentally steady herself before going any further.

She moved through the night with the stealth of a jaguar, knowing exactly where to step and how to move so that she would be completely undetected by her unknowing target.

Steadying her breath, she fumbled with the item in her hand, allowing fear to creep in for only a moment. The switch had to be flawless. Once she went for it, there could be no hesitation or all could be lost.

With the prize in view she went for it, and just like that it was done. Success! She had done it. The transfer was complete. Slowly she backed away and retreated to safety.

Her heart was still pounding as she lowered herself into bed, and looking at her husband she said, “I don’t care what you say. Next time, you’re the Tooth Fairy!”