Tuesday, May 3, 2011

The Spray Tan

So this week is the big Wedding Week. My youngest sister Mallory is getting married on Saturday and the whole family is a twitter with tasks and activities to get ready for the big day. One of my tasks for yesterday…Get a spray tan.

I’ve never been sprayed before. In the past, when I needed some color for a special event, I would go and bake myself at the tanning beds long enough to achieve a good healthy glow, but before I looked like I should be tending a river of chocolate wearing little white suspenders with a green hue to my hair. That was back when I had all the time in the world and no tiny humans to tend to. It would have been impossible now to escape to the tanning beds as much as I would have had to, so instead I opted to get sprayed.

On the drive over to the spa, I was a little nervous. First of all, I was running late, and you KNOW how I feel about being LATE!!! Then, I got lost. If you take a little late and then add in a little lost to the mix, do you know what you get? You get a nearly hysterical, panicked mess that frantically calls the spa and has the receptionist guide you in the right direction until you are safe and secure in the parking lot. Oh yeah, it was like that.

I was so worried about being late on the drive over that I didn’t even have time to think about the fact that I was about to be topless in front of a total stranger for roughly ten minutes. It was presented to me that going au natural was an option. Hey, no tan lines. But since the mere thought of being topless had me ready to heave in the spa’s pretty little wicker hamper, I decided that naked was not for me.

So I wrapped myself up in the little robe that they give you, slipped on the rubber sandals, and then flip flopped down the hall to where the magic happens. The technician was very nice. She was young and seemed totally nonjudgmental; though I’m pretty sure that she has seen some sights in her time behind the spray gun. With mild hesitation, I dropped the robe and stepped into the shower-like thing to get me some color.

If you’ve never done this before…It’s cold. Plus, you know, you’re standing there almost naked with a total stranger, so that’s a little awkward. All I kept thinking, in between small talk and me nervously stuttering out my answers was, “Holy crap the girls are just out there for all to see. There is nothing between my boobs and the world. Pretend you’re somewhere else. Pretend you’re somewhere else. Hey, does that chocolate river need tending?”


Before I knew it, it was done and I looked like I had spent the weekend at the beach; minus the coconutty drinks and the sand in unfortunate areas. I had to stay away from water for the next eight to ten hours to make sure that the tan really soaked in and didn’t get washed off prematurely which was fine except that when I took the garbage out that evening I got halfway down the driveway and realized, “OH MY LORD, ITS MISTING OUT HERE!!! RETREAT! RETREAT!” No harm was done though.

Tomorrow I am going to get my nails done which I am SUPER excited about. I always feel so girly when I get them done which is rare these days. Luckily, I’m pretty sure that I won’t have to take my top off for this service.


Sheryl said...

OMG, that was so funny but I would be nervous too. But, when you get to be my age and had so many mammograms and 4 surgeries it gets to be no big deal. Glad it all worked out for you and now the fun part, the nails and hair. Good luck to Mallory.

Leslie said...

I used to love to go tanning, you know, before I had any cares in the world. I'm not sure I could do the spray tan simply for the fact that someone has to apply it to you. And there has to be something between my boobs and the world.

Amy said...

I kept trying to tell myself that I would never see this person again and I would be just another person in the sea of people that she has sprayed.