Thursday, September 6, 2012

Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?

For as long as I can remember, I have had an intense fear of snakes. Not a fear like, “Oh they are so gross and icky,” but a paralyzing, bodily functions begin to shut down, climb over children to get away, kind of fear. When I was in school, the other kids tortured me for it, and once someone actually chased me down the street with a fake one just to mess with me. I HATE SNAKES!!!

Sooooooo, this morning, I was getting in gear, running around the house trying to get the kids ready for school when I remembered that I had to go down to the basement to get a shirt for the day. I walked down the steps, and as I casually breezed past a “necklace” that was lying at the foot of the steps I thought, “Hmm, that’s odd. I don’t remember Elyse ever having a necklace like…..wait a… it?…..that’s not a necklace…..It’s a SNAKE!!!! In my house!!! A SNAKE!!!! IN MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my God! Oh my God! What do I do? IT’S A FREAKIN SNAKE IN MY FREAKIN HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I will say that this thing was incredibly small. Not worm small. It defiantly looked like what it was, but for me and my insane fear, a snake, is a snake whether it is itty bitty or incredibly massive. I don’t discriminate based on size. I fear them ALL! However, being the only parent at home at that moment, and being more afraid of it getting away and not knowing where it is, I knew that I had to do something.  So I channeled the Cowardly Lion, mustered as much courage as I possiblly could, and grabbed a bucket to cover it. Then I put a big case of Pepsi on top so that there was absolutely no chance of this thing getting away.

Next, I texted Mike; it went a little something like this….

“I just caught a very small, but very REAL snake in the basement. You need to come home.”

I probably could have just texted, “SNAKE!!” and he would have gotten the message and flown right home. I would have loved to have seen the look on his face when he read that text because he is VERY aware of my fear, and I bet he wanted to poop his pants just a little bit. He got home in no time and took care of the “situation.” Thank you, Sweetie! You are my knight in shinning snake removal armor.

I figure that it came in last night because Aaron had left the basement door open for a long time, and then later that evening, I saw my kitty, Hailey, acting all weird and starring behind the shoe bins right next to the door. I assumed she was bug hunting, and just shooed her away from the bins. She was probably thinking, “MOM…there’s a SNAKE in here. Don’t leave me down here with the SNAKE!!! SNAKE!!!!!”

So now I’m all kinds of freaked out, and I have a bad case of the heebie-jeebies whenever I go into the basement. I just hope that this was a one time deal, otherwise, we may be moving to the city.