Tuesday, October 20, 2009

So I Suck, But Admitting It Is the First Step, Right?

No one ever told me that when I became a mother, I would never again be caught up. That I would never again have the pleasure of putting a period at the end of anything because my life is in a constant, perpetual cycle where as soon as I start to see the light at the end of the tunnel, the cycle starts over again and I find myself right back at the beginning. I feel like I am vigorously trying to tread water in the middle of a hurricane and if I let up for a sec, I might drown.

So I guess that I am feeling a little dark and twisty today. I apologize for being such a Debby Downer, especially if you came here to read something funny and lighthearted. My hope is that by putting this out there, I can get it out of my head and heart, and refocus on the important things. I hate feeling like this and I am sure you hate reading about it. So if you would like to navigate away from here to something a little more positive, hey, no judgment. I promise my next post will be a hoot.

Anyway, I don't know what it is exactly, just that it is everything and nothing all at once. It's the fact that I have roughly six loads of laundry waiting for me when I was just caught up on Friday. It's that I have been painting the kitchen for almost three weeks and I am still not done because I only get to work on it periodically throughout the day when I have to choose to ignore the children in order to get two strokes painted. I have had the last two Mondays to devote to the kitchen project thanks to my wonderful husband, so I guess that I can't complain too much.

Because my attention has been focused on the kitchen project, many normal household chores have fallen by the wayside, and the dirt and disorganization are starting to get to me. I have been letting the kids do things that I would never allow just so that I can get a few extra minutes to take care of something else that I have neglected. Why right this very second, Elyse is smearing Jello all over herself and the dining room table, but I'm not stopping her because it is giving me a chance to write this post.

I remember when Mike and I were first married and I had all of the time in the world to take care of the house, and the laundry, and everything else that goes into keeping a household, but now with the kids, there just isn't enough time. I feel guilty when I am working on something because I am neglecting them, but when I am with them, all I can think about is how behind I am. It's a vicious cycle.

I'm sure that I'm not saying anything that a million other mothers don't feel every single day. I just felt the need to get it off of my chest, and find some comfort in the fact that perhaps I am not treading in that hurricane alone. Thanks for listening. Now I have to go because my laundry needs switched and I think that I am burning the meat for the chili tonight.


Leslie said...

I'm right there with you. There just aren't enough hours in the day. I keep telling myself that I just need a plan! A schedule! A better routine! If I could only get the house cleaned and start fresh! But I still fall into the same rut of struggling to keep up. It's maddening. I'm pretty sure it's the reason alcohol was invented.

Grimm said...

I can sympathize, only in my case it is the yardwork that I am neglecting. There is something about raking those damn leaves that I don't want to do.

Amy said...

I'll rack your leaves if you do my laundry : )