Monday, December 7, 2009

I See London, I See France...Please Stop Showing Your Underpants!

May I ask you a personal question? When you are sitting down, or standing up, or bending over, if your butt and/or underwear are hanging out, can you feel that? I mean, I know that I can't be the only one that immediately feels the silent alarm of a draft, but with the amount of crack that I have seen lately, it seems apparent that most people's alarms are in need of some servicing. Women seem oblivious to the fact that they are completely exposing themselves all over the place. Every time that I see someone in this condition, it makes me think of an obscene jack-in-the-box; I never know when it's going to pop out and it always takes me by surprise. "All around the mulberry bush, the monkey chased the weasel. The monkey thought it was all in fun, POP goes some panties."

I understand that jeans are cut very low these days. I myself wear low-cut jeans, but I absolutely never, ever leave the house without doing a butt check. If I have on a shirt that doesn't allow for adequate coverage, then I either switch shirts or switch pants. I refuse to be that lady in the cereal isle at Wal Mart that can't decide between Cap n' Crunch or Coco Puffs and while hunched over comparing the prizes inside reveals to all of the passing shoppers that she is wearing her Tuesday panties on Friday. It's just too much information!

What is happening to us as a society that it has become so acceptable to just put our business out there for the world to see and not even care? NOT…EVEN…CARE!?!?! Somewhere along the line, we just decided, “Eh,” and never looked back. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe that there was a time when it was considered embarrassing to have your hiney exposed or your underwear hanging out of your pants, but it seems like today it’s as common as seeing someone’s elbow.

If you are going to let it all hang out, please do the world a favor and at the very least, wear some underwear that will have a fighting chance of staying put inside your pants. Why do some women wear the lowest cut pants that they can possibly find over top of a pair of the world’s most enormous granny panties? Those things would find a way to hang out of a pair of overalls for Pete sake! It’s like a huge flashing neon sign that says, “Hello world. I have officially given up!”

So when you are getting dressed this morning, please consider doing a butt check. It’s a common courtesy for which the world will thank you. And for those of you that have decided that it is ok to prance around playing a constant game of panty peek-a-boo, I am coming for you and I will be wielding a staple gun. Consider yourself warned.