Thursday, December 3, 2009

What...It's Not Like I Kicked A Puppy

Ok, so I know that by putting this out there for the world to see, it may cause some harsh judgment to fall in my direction.  You might think, "Wow, I had no idea that Amy was so heartless."  Others might call me "Grinchy" or ask when I might remove the Yule log from my buttocks, but I am going to say it anyway because it is how I feel and I can't live a lie anymore.  I despise, nay loathe, with every fiber of my being and with a hate so white hot that it would reduce Frosty to a pathetic puddle, the Christmas song "Christmas Shoes."

There, I said it!  Praise be to God I am free at last!  Free at last!
I know that you have heard this song.  If you are a person and you have ears and you happen to listen to a radio station that plays Christmas music during the month of December then you without a doubt have heard this song.  For the earless population that has not had the pleasure, let me sum up this festive little ditty.  Basically there is a little boy, and he is in a store trying to buy some shoes for his mother because she is sick and most likely won't live through the night.  He wants to get her the shoes so that she looks pretty when she meets Jesus.  Unfortunately he doesn't have enough money to pay for the shoes, but the stranger behind him, hearing his story and seeing his plight, pays for the shoes. 

Well if that doesn't fill your heart with Christmas joy and make you want to festoon every square inch of your home with seasonal merriment then I don't know what will.

Honestly, I get it.  It is a terrible story and I am sure that there is someone in this world that will face a loss this Christmas.  For those people, the real life people not the radio people, my heart goes out to you and I am truly sorry, but for the love of the Baby Jesus enough already with the Christmas Shoes.  It is the only song ever written that when I hear just the first three notes I start to convulse and my muscles start popping out of my clothes and the next thing I know, I am all green and I am hurling cars down Main Street while people are running and screaming and I'm like, "CHRISTMAS SHOES!!!!!!!!

It's Christmas for Pete's sake.  I want to hear about Grandma getting mowed down by a reindeer, and how Mommy is getting freaky with Santa.  I too want a hippopotamus for Christmas, and yes, it is a marshmallow world in the winter.  Isn't that what Christmas is all about?

In closing, I would like to thank you for allowing me to rant and rave about my distain for THAT song.  For everyone that read this post and agrees that, "Hell yeah, that song blows," this twisted Christmas carol is for you.  Enjoy, it's one of my favorites.


Anonymous said...

I completely agree. I was listening to this song yesterday...against my will of course, and I can't help but feel that there should be a mass email sent out about this little boy that is going from Walmart to Target and so on scamming people to buy him and his entire and completely healthy family some new kicks for the holiday season. Seriously does mom really need those $150.00 Nike Shox....come on!

Leslie said...

You know how I feel about Christmas Shoes. I FEEL YA!

I LOVE Walkin' Round in Women's Underwear! They don't play it around here. *sniff* Makes me miss Wheeling!