I'm Hungry and Diets Suck

Well, the holidays are over, the tree is down, and my Christmas cookie stash is long gone which means that I am officially back on the diet wagon once again. It’s a rather uncomfortable wagon with hard wooden seats that give me splinters in my tushy and there is absolutely no leg room, as there are two other passengers crammed inside with me. One is evil and tempts me with every sweet and decadence west of the Mississippi while the other is Jillian Michaels who will smack the hell out of me just for thinking about snacking or missing a workout.


I know that I shouldn’t really consider it a diet, but more of a life style change, blah, blah, blah. I’m hungry damn it. It’s not that I want to be able to scarf down all kinds of junk food all the live long day, although that would be fun too. I just want to be able to eat sensible things when I want to without constantly thinking about calorie content and how long I will have to punish myself on the treadmill if I go over my daily caloric limit. Plus, I don’t handle hunger well and it is making me a little, let’s say crabby.

I only have roughly fifteen to twenty pounds left to lose before I can just maintain my weight. Fifteen would make my driver’s license weight accurate for the first time in, well, ever, and twenty would put me at my official “healthy” weight as determined by the BMI charts. You should hear menacing, evil music in your head every time you read the word “charts” because I believe that they were created by a legion of insane health nuts whose sole mission in life is to make everyone else in the entire world loathe themselves and feel like fat, worthless blobs like the human characters in WALL-E who were so fat that they couldn’t walk and could only get around on their little floaty chair things.

I know that I just need to embrace the misery of the first week of dieting in order to get back into a healthy routine, and leave all of those pesky unhealthy habits in the dust. It will and does get easier the longer I stick with it and pretty soon it will once again feel like second nature. I also know that the changes I am making are not only good for me, but are also making an impact on the kids. Aaron is all about working out and the other day while I was running on the treadmill, he ran back and forth the length of the basement over and over again. I was on the treadmill for an hour and he was in constant motion almost the entire time.

So I guess that I had better start enjoying the view from my bumpy wagon seat because I plan on riding it all the way to the finish line. I bet that Jillian and I can jump the evil tempter guy and heave him off of the wagon so that we have a little more room to stretch out. On second thought, with the extra space she’d probably have me doing walking push-ups and other torturous workout moves which would mean that I would eventually have to toss her too, and I’m not ready to tangle with Jillian. That bitch is hard core.