Now I Feel All Warm and Fuzzy Inside

This morning I was updating my blog and catching up on the work of my favorite bloggers when I got a wonderfully, fantastic surprise; I got my first ever blog award! Ta Da! My good friend Dave from My Grimm Reality gave me this:

The rules state that I am to nominate ten other bloggers and share this cute, squishy little bear with them. My blog list is a bit small, but here are the people that I follow religiously:

My Mommy's Place, My Grimm Reality, Life and More, Lots More, and Wiping Up Snot.

Leslie from My Mommy's Place and Dave from My Grimm Reality already have the award, but they are both a part of the reason that I started blogging and I adore their writing so much that I would create my own fluffy, adorable, but seriously prestigious award just for them. I think that it would have a unicorn on it.

Anyway…

Grab your bear and nominate ten people that you love to read. Let's share the love, shall we?

Monster Mutt, Part 2

Last Thursday morning I found myself in the van, on the way to school, heavily counseling Aaron on how to handle the Monster Mutt situation. About two miles down the road I was starting to feel more like his therapist than his mother and I even started channeling Dr. Phil, complete with long Texas drawl and everything; only I didn’t give away anything to my studio audience.

It seemed that this whole ordeal had been weighing on him since he hopped out of bed and every other sentence that came out of his mouth had some Mutt overtones. It was starting to get to the point that I wondered if I shouldn’t mention it to his teacher. I wasn’t going to demand that the kid be tarred and feathered or anything, but maybe if she could just keep an extra eye out for any aggressive, monster-like behavior, that’d be great, Mmmm Kay.

By the time we hit the parking lot, I had covered pretty much every possible plan of action that Aaron could take regarding this child; ask him to stop, try being friends, blah, blah, blah. Finally, when nothing seemed to satisfy him, as a last resort I threw out that he could always tell the teacher. I did NOT want to suggest that he tattle because tattling isn’t nice and other kids don’t like tattle tails. I really wanted him to handle it himself, but good God I had been selling him my best line of crap all morning long and the boy was not buying it. Apparently he was not in the market for my brand of bull. My brain was exhausted and I was out of suggestions.

So, he went to school and the day progressed until it was time to pick him up. I was almost afraid to hear what he had to say, but before we could even get to the van, he explode with an exuberant, “Mom, it was all a BIG misunderstanding!” He went on to say that he talked to Mutt and asked him not to be mean to him or his friends and now they are all best buds. Aaron also said, “Oh yeah, and his name isn’t really Monster Mutt. It’s Mick.” Well thanks for clearing that one up Buddy.

So Aaron and Monster, errr Mick, are the best of friends and he took care of it all on his own. I am incredibly proud of him that he not only defended himself, but looked out for his other friends too. He has grown up so much in this first year of school and seems to be developing into quite a little man. I am sure that he will encounter similar situations throughout his school years, and I know that they won’t all be as easily settled as this, but I hope that if nothing else, he continues to be a boy that stands up for himself and the people he cares about.

Dear Elyse...

I am going to overlook the fact that when we were shopping the other day, you tried to bite every bagel through the bag which would have caused Aaron to have an apocalyptic meltdown when his precious bagels were not the right shape and covered in teeth marks.

I will forget that for every three items that I put into the cart, you threw out two causing me to stop in the middle of every isle, holding up other Wal Mart shoppers, and otherwise becoming the customer that everyone else avoided when they saw us down an isle where they needed to be...no matter how much they needed that Cap N' Crunch, or Diet Pepsi, or Preparation H.

I will even disregard the incident in the dairy isle when, after I placed a package of pudding snacks into the cart, you somehow, in a matter of mere seconds, snapped them up, removed a snack pack, and actually opened it thus requiring me to wrestle it out of your hands, stash it in an inconspicuous place, and then ninja another package before anyone was any the wiser which then resulted in your explosive, albeit impressive for your size, tantrum that caught the eye of nearly every passerby in the store.

I am willing to put all of this aside because, my dear little princess, one day you are going to grow up, you are going to marry your Prince Charming, and hopefully give me many adorable grandchildren. And when you do...I am going to LAUGH because pay backs are a nasty, nasty bitch.

Love,
Mommy

Monster Mutt

It seems that Aaron is experiencing his first encounters with a school bully. The other day, I picked him up from school and asked him about his day like I always do. He stayed quiet like he always does until I started forcing information out of his cute little brain and that is when he started talking about “Monster Mutt.” He said that there is this older boy that chases him and his friends as soon as he sees them all throughout recess. I asked him where the name “Monster Mutt” came from and he informed me said that another little boy who was also being chased told Aaron about the name. I can see the whole scene in my head like I am watching it on TV. Picture a playground…Children running around and having fun…A small boy cowering behind the monkey bars pointing out a behemoth of a child with his hair all wild, sporting a Megadeath t-shirt, and pushing other children down because they got too close. You can see it, right?


Anyway, I didn’t put too much thought into it because kids are weird and they do weird stuff and most likely, Monster Mutt would go onto the next group of victims in another day or so and that would be the end of that. But then he mentioned it again before going to bed a few nights later. So we started talking about it in more detail because I was starting to worry that maybe Monster Mutt wasn’t another kid, but a pervy janitor with too much time on his hands. Aaron assured me that this was another kid and from his description, Mutt isn’t much taller than Aaron, so I crossed pervy janitor off of the suspect list…for now.

It seems that Aaron and his fellow targets have banned together to form a club to somehow protect themselves from Monster Mutt. When he first mentioned club, Mike and I were concerned that they were leaving kids out and we asked Aaron about it, but he explained that there was only one kid that they don’t let into their club, but only when said kid is pretending to be a vampire.

Um, OK!?!?

Then, Aaron got a big grin on his face and said, “Hey, things are looking up. Maybe we can get the vampire to fight off Monster Mutt!” Good plan honey, just make sure that you remain cordial to the vampire kid cause if he is pretending to be a vampire in preschool, Lord only knows where he is going to end up five, ten years from now, and you ALWAYS want to be nice to the psychopaths.

So, then it was weekend and there was no talk of Mutt until I picked Aaron up from school Monday afternoon and one of the first things he said was that Mutt was at home sick for the day which apparently was a huge victory for the Anti-Mutt Alliance because Aaron was almost giddy about the whole thing. The thing is, I know that this kid, Mutt, most likely is starved for attention and has no idea how to interact with other kids; hence the chasing. He is probably lonely and wants to make friends and this is the only way that he knows how to get any kind of attention. I want to try and explain this to Aaron because I think that this is an important moment to teach tolerance and compassion. I want Aaron to be the kind of kid that all kids want to be friends with; a Ferris Bueller if you will, but less skilled when it comes to scamming his parents.

Perhaps Aaron will be able to crack through Mutt’s gruff exterior and be able to befriend him. Maybe Aaron will become one of Mutt’s best friends and one day they will be the best men in each other’s weddings and when we tell this story at the reception people will laugh and say, “Ahh, how cute!” Or maybe Mutt is just a real asshole and this will be Aaron’s first lesson in the fact that the world is full of them. Either way, I think it’s still a good life lesson.

To Aaron and Elyse...

Before you, I had no reason to carry fruit snacks in my purse, I never found full sippy cups of milk under the seat of my car, and I never used my own shirt as a tissue.

Before you, I didn’t know what it was like to hold a sick baby for hours through the night. I had no idea which diapers were more absorbent, or if Desitin or Butt Paste was the better way to go.

Before you, I couldn’t comprehend what it was like to be called “Mommy,” I had no idea how it felt to have your heart almost explode with pride, and I never realized how intoxicatingly hypnotic the smell of a baby’s head could be.

It is because of you that I am able to celebrate today and place myself in the elite group of women who have been blessed to claim the title of Mother. You have changed me in ways that I will never be able to explain and there are no words that could possibly explain how much I love you.

Thank you so much for making me your Mommy.

Happy Mother’s Day!

For the Grandmas on Mother's Day

So I was racking my brain trying to decide what to get for my mom and mother-in-law for Mother's Day.  I mean, what do you get for two women who need nothing and will offer you NO insight into anything they might like?  Eureka, I've got it...Pictures of the kids!  But it can't just be a lame picture in a frame, oh no, that would just not do.  By George...How about this?

Yeah, I think that'll do it.

I’m Not a Hypochondriac. Wait; Does That Come With A Rash and Unexplained Twitching?

So, last week I was convinced that I was going to die. Why, you ask? Well, because apparently I lean slightly in a hypochondriac direction and I tend to believe everything that I read on Google. FYI…If you are a hypochondriac, don’t Google symptoms. Absolutely no good will come of it. Here’s what happened…


Tuesday morning I woke up and I felt like I had pulled a muscle in my upper thigh. It was very sore to walk and just generally ached all the way down to my knee. I thought it was a little odd because I hadn’t done any running for several days, but I figured, “Ehh, oh well,” and went on with the day. But by evening, it was still as achy as it had been that morning and I decided to take a little Ibuprofen and head to bed.

In the morning, the pain was still the same, and my brain settled into an area it knows best; over analysis and extreme paranoia. I grabbed some coffee and went downstairs to the computer to start Googling. One of the first things that popped up, besides the obvious pulled muscle, was a blood clot. That was all I needed and I was convinced that I had a blood clot and that it was only a matter of time. I should probably get my affairs in order.

The rest of the day, I still kept taking Ibuprofen hoping that there would be some change that would indicate that I wasn’t facing sure demise, but things remained the same. When it was time for bed, I was a mess. I was so sure that I not only had a blood clot, but that it was also going to break loose in the middle of the night and that I would never see the light of day again, that I considered going to the kids rooms to see them one last time. Insane, right?

The next morning, after I thanked the Lord for letting me make it through the night, I called my doctor and got an appointment. I felt really stupid for the whole thing, but I could not turn my brain off and I had to know that everything was fine. My doctor assured me that I was not stupid, though I’m pretty sure that she didn’t rule out insane, and that there was no harm in being sure that everything was fine, so she sent me downstairs for an x-ray and an ultrasound.

I went to take care of the x-ray first, but when it was done, I still had an hour to wait for the ultrasound, so I found the cafeteria to get some pretzels and a drink. I paid for my stuff and headed back upstairs to call Mike and give him the update, and on my way, I opened my pop and took a drink; a big drink. Blah! This pop is completely flat. Oh my God, I don’t remember hearing it fizz when I opened it! Someone tampered with my drink!!! Dear God in Heaven, someone tampered with my drink. If the blood clot doesn’t get me, then whatever is up with this pop surely will. I am a total goner! What are the odds that a complete hypochondriac freak like me, who is only in the hospital to prove that I am indeed not dying, gets the ONE bottle of pop in the whole cafeteria that doesn’t fizz when it opens? This kind of crap happens to me all of the time and has most likely contributed to my paranoia.

When a few moments had past and I hadn’t started convulsing or foaming at the mouth, I decided that I was fine and went to the ultrasound. The woman that performed the test just so happened to be my parent’s next door neighbor which was perfect because that was exactly what I needed; more witnesses to the fact that I am completely bat shit insane. Great! She was very pleasant and did what she had to do and when she was done she declared that I definitely did NOT have a blood clot. Thank you Jesus! But then she said, “I am just going to call your doctor with the results.” “Why did you say it like that,” I thought? So she leaves and closes the door and a few moments later I heard over the intercom, “Doctor, So-and-So is returning a page.” Doctor So-and-So is MY doctor. Why is she being paged? Holy crap, it’s worse than a blood clot. What’s worse than a blood clot? Man, if only I could Google right now!

Then, while I was sweating and scribbling a last will and testament on the butcher paper that I was sitting on, my parents neighbor, AKA the woman who performed my test, walked back into my room, took the phone off of the wall and said, “Here, she wants to talk to you.”

I almost passed out.

Shaking, I reached out and took the phone, gulped, and said, “Hello.” Dr. So-and-So proceeded to inform me that my ultrasound was clear, no clots, and that the x-ray was fine. The only thing that she saw was that I do have some arthritis in my right knee. I still have to do some Google research, but I am fairly confident that no one has ever died from arthritis. She reassured me that I was fine, to just rest the leg, continue taking the Ibuprofen, and everything should be OK.

I floated out of the hospital high on life and the fact that mine was still intact…for now.