Wednesday, September 2, 2009

It's Almost that Spooky Time of Year, But Not Too Spooky Cause Dude, I Just Can't Handle That

Well, summer is over, the kids are in school, and there is a crisp chill in the air which tells me IT"S TIME TO BREAK OUT THE HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS!!!!! I have always been a person that loves Halloween, Fall, and everything that is related to Halloween and Fall. Even when I was younger and still lived at home, September 1st was always my go ahead to break out all of the decorations and commence placing random adornments of the spooky nature anywhere and everywhere that there was a free space. Now that I have my own home and children I feel like it is all the more reason to go crazy with the knick knacks and patty wacks of Fall and Halloween.

Even more than I enjoy decorating, I love to watch classic Halloween movies, you know, the really cheesy ones from the 80's like Halloween and Friday the 13Th. It just ain't Halloween until I've seen Jason hack a few unsuspecting campers to bits, however, I have found in the last several years that I just can't do scary movies that are more than a wacko in a creepy mask. I used to watch every new horror movie that came out and I remember watching many spooky movies with my parents on Pizza Night Saturdays, but as time goes by these movies just mess with me a little too much. I find myself lying in bed thinking, "Do you really need to get up and pee cause you know that undoubtedly there is some minion of evil just waiting for you in the hallway?" If I do muster the courage to take the long walk of about two and a half feet to the bathroom, I never, under any circumstances look in the mirror cause something freaky ALWAYS happens when you look in the mirror. And good God what is lurking behind that closed shower curtain? The horror...THE HORROR!!!

I remember when Mike and I were first dating and we went to see The Ring. If you haven't seen this movie consider yourself lucky cause I'm telling you it's gonna take years before you're right again. And just when you think that you have forgotten about that freaky girl and the...gulp...way that she crawled out of the TV, you're going to be in the bathroom at 2:00 in the morning and it's going to hit you and you are going to be paralyzed with fear on the toilet rocking back and forth singing, "Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?" Not that I know this from experience of anything.

Sometimes I am in the basement and I will be folding the laundry not thinking about anything in particular when BAM...that twisted puppet from the Saw movies jumps into my head and Aaron is all, "Mommy, why are you lying in a ball on the floor humming Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star?" Oh, I don't know, cause Mommy is a total wuss and may the Lord God help you if you are ever scared in the middle of the night because I am not going to be any help.

I could go on and on about scenes from movies that randomly pop into my head at very inopportune moments, like when I was working at the lab and would be going into work at 4:30AM and when I would get into the garage I would jump into the car as fast as I could and lock all of the doors because for some unknown reason the way that my cat Hailey was looking at me before I left reminded me of Pet Sematary. OOooo, I have chills just thinking about that one.

The bottom line is that I just can't handle scary movies anymore and I can barely handle the thoughts of the ones I have already seen. I envy the people that can watch these things and never think about them again, poof, completely gone from their subconscious, although these people are probably homicidal maniacs who should have a movie made about themselves that I would watch and then remember while walking to my car after leaving Target one night and the next thing you know a security guard would be taping on my window wondering why I have been sitting in my car for the last thirty minutes screaming, "I do believe in spooks, I do, I do, I do." So I think that from now on I will stick to decorating the house and I'll only watch my cheesy 80's movies because in those shows the only way Jason or Michael Myers can get you is if you happen to be a teenager who just had sex after carving a creepy pumpkin while camping.


Leslie said...

I used to love scary movies, too. I'm no good at them anymore, either! I think motherhood flips a sensitivity switch that you can't turn off, even for Halloween.