Saturday, August 29, 2009

Hello New People...Please Like Me...Pretty Please

Today we took Aaron to a soccer meeting so that he could get his uniform and we parents could be lectured on how we should behave at the games. No, really. So I was getting ready for this meeting and I was suddenly really worried about what I should wear. I didn't want to look like I dressed up, but I didn't want to look like I rolled out of bed just in time for the meeting either. I was afraid that if I wore lipstick that some of the mothers would think that I was high maintenance, and earrings or no earrings, what to do? I am going to be spending a lot of time with these other mothers at the games and I wanted to make a good impression.

While I was going over all of this in my head, another thought hit me. Aaron starts preschool next week. I am going to have to get ready every single day to take him to school and pick him back up. I am going to have to see and interact with those mothers, not to mention the school staff, every day for the entire school year. Not only do I want to make a good impression, but I feel like I will need to maintain that for the entire school year. I feel like it's going to be high school all over again and let me tell you, I hated high school.

As I have mentioned before, social situations are not my cup of tea; because of that, high school was a nightmare. Girls, especially high school girls, can be very cruel and judgmental. You have a very small window to fit in with them and if you don't make the cut you're out, forever. I did not make the cut. I was shy, reserved, and worst of all, I was quiet. I was a sitting duck. On so many occasions I just wanted to fit in and be able to hang out like everybody else, but I just couldn't relax enough to do it. I would try to work up the courage to chime in, but if I did it always seemed to come out awkward, so mostly I stayed quiet.

When I became a mommy, I made it my mission to involve Aaron in many activities so that he would be used to other children and would not suffer the same fate as me. We did Mommy and Me classes, and Tumbling Tots, playground trips, and zoo trips. It was through a Mommy and Me class that I met my first two mommy friends, Leslie, from, and Angelle. Together the three of us started a playgroup that met every Wednesday for an hour or so. I loved these women, still do. I felt like I fit in with them from day one. We had so much in common and never once did I feel out of place around them. Not long after we started our group, I invited another friend, Wendy to join in and soon the four of us were inseparable.

Unfortunately, that fall Leslie moved a few hours away, and later that winter Angelle moved back home to Louisiana. Wendy and I continued our play group, but missed the other girls terribly. We just felt like something was missing. Then, as luck would have it, I met Amanda through My Space. She brought along Rebecca who in turn brought Jody. We became a strong group of five and got our children together often, still do. In the last two years, four babies have been added to the play group. We have shared so many laughs and have looked to each other for advice, support, and most importantly, girl talk.

This mommy group was the first time that I ever truly felt like I belonged. I am comfortable with them and I do not analyze every little thing that I do or say because with them, I am safe. Now though, I am going to have to step out of my comfort zone to make some new friends. I want to be involved with the school and all of the activities that take place there, and I desperately want to fit in and not have a repeat of high school.

While I know that it shouldn't matter which shirt I wear, or whether or not I have lipstick on, it matters to me. I know that it shouldn't, but it does, and I hate myself just a little for that. I feel like if I look right, then I will have the courage to approach these new people and let them get to know me. How sad is that, right? I would never want Aaron or Elyse to feel this way, so why do I do it to myself?

As Aaron's first day of preschool quickly approaches, I am going to try really hard to chill out about the social aspect of it all. The important thing is that Aaron makes friends right? No matter how we are dressed, or who we are friends with, the bottom line is that we all love our children and want the best for them. Of course this doesn't mean that I'm not going to try on ten different outfits before we leave for school on Wednesday morning. What? I said that I would chill out. Normally I would try on twenty outfits.


Leslie said...

I know how you feel! And as much as people like to say that it doesn't matter how you look, the truth is, it does. Maybe it's not the ONLY thing that matters and it may not be the MOST IMPORTANT thing that matters, but it matters. And I'm like you - I feel better and more confident if I feel like I look right. Right now, I need my eyebrows waxed really, really bad, so I'm about 20% more awkward than usual, because I am certain everyone is distracted by my crazybrow.

But, I can't imagine anyone that wouldn't just completely love you. You're nice and sweet and really cute. If someone doesn't like you, it's because they're jealous. Then you don't want them as a friend anyway, because they'd probably get all super-attached and stalkery and one day you'd come home and she's broken into your house, is wearing your clothes and cooking your cat because you didn't return her phone call. People are weird like that.

Amy said...

Give me a miniute while I catch my breath because that was the funniest comment I have ever read. Whew! Anyhow, thanks for the sweet comment. I really appreciate it. You're right, I am cute damn it!

PS I'm sure your crazybrow isn't as bad as you think. Could be worse, you could have unruley chin stubble.